Thursday, October 27, 2011

Under influence of alcohol...dirty bit!

I’ve not written a blog for a long time. I don’t have time is my little excuse. I always have time. I can always find time. Maybe the reality is, there is nothing really interesting to write about until last night. I think what-the-fuck had happened last night was pretty awesome for me. It’s not about the booze. It the spontaneity and the naturalness of us. Yes, us. The five of us. We’re actually ten but last night we’re just five individuals in the state in between being sober and intoxicated. 
Camiguin Trip

Let me introduce the cast. The complete cast. And some brief description  of them.

TON. I call him Tonette. The first bubbliest-to-hell-I-care person I know. I had my first LOL with this guy.  Stand-up comedy material. He has this charismatic attack to everything. It seems like the world is imperfect and we should just laugh because we can’t do anything about it. He looks serious with his glasses but seriously he’s not serious in looking serious. 

SEM. Smile. That’s his trademark. The friendliest MedRep I’ve got to know. Mysterious guy. I’ve never seen him sad or disgusted. 

EMAN. Man of few words. Fierce. Strong. Beckies type. I bet he believes in the cliche, “Few words. Few mistakes”. One thing I learned from him : Words will not build your character. 

JEANNE.  I really can’t find an adjective to describe her.  Ahhhmm…  She’s in love. To a certain man-of-her-dreams or to the man-who-makes-nightmares, I can’t tell. To a certain point I think she’s madly in love with the whole idea of love.

KAREN.. Adventurer  by heart. She seems okay with everything except with accounting. No skills in numbers. But she’s a  good listener. Never spills out a bean.

PARDS. Real name's Honey but never been sweet-looking. Tough. Coco Martin.

STEVE. Experienced. And blooming these days. Used to be called Ms. Universe, downgraded to just Ms. Venezuela. He’s constantly changing. For better or for worse, only he knows.

DREI. Normal girl with well-off background and a little stormy love story. I just heard of her name before and got a feeling of disliking her. First time I met her, automatically I liked her. Always in and game in the name of fun! 
El Salvador Side-trip

VENCI. Loud and funny. Never a dull moment. Different attack on jokes but well, very funny. Witty and confident. He’s got loads of “pasabog”.

When and how we became a team is a long story.  We called ourselves PURYA, courtesy of Venci.

Fast forward to the night of October 26 to the dawn of October 27.

Dapitan Escapade
The VENUE. Mabulay. The place to be. The house where 6 out of 10 of my kids live. By the way, I call them kids because I feel responsible for them and I feel like owning them. I love those kids. Honest to goodness! 

The PLOT. Nothing serious. No melodrama intended. Plain booze. 

The CAST. Ton, Jeanne, Sem, Karen and ME (in all caps).

What transpired. (As far as I could remember).

Started with Praybeyt Benjamin. Family affair (consider them my second family by the way). Then dinner at Mcdonalds. Separate businesses then. I felt a little concerned about the not-in-mood face Jeanne displayed so talked to her inside my car. After a short talk, we decided to have rhum! Go Tanduay! We need some alcohol in our veins.

So we rode fast the car, dropped at the convenience store and grabbed Emperador, plenty of ice and junkies. Emperador light. For a change. Then we headed back to the place-to-be. Invited Sem.

I didn’t  mean to offend Ton on our conversation back in a car. I sound defending certain persona. Whatever needs clarified, it will be with a glass of brandy. I am not quite sure if we really ended into agreement that there had been no offense. I meant no offense really. I think I said sorry many times. I think I’m forgiven.

We looked for more issues to settle. Issues of betrayal. Issues of love. Issues of lies. Issues of the heart mainly. Then came Karen. Her real purpose was to find something to munch. She had our junkies. But glad she stayed.

Mcdonald Moment
Hours passed. We had another bottle of Emperador. I can feel the brandy running in my system but I am very conscious of everything. Alcohol gave us the courage to confront each other. Not in a demeaning way. It’s more of clarifying things  and listening intently to what one has to say. No pretensions. Thank you Emperador.

“What’s the real score between you and Mr. X?” 

“Only Yes and No. Absolutely no Maybe’s.”

“What if the situation is different, would things  be the same?”

“I hate the answer. It’s so safe"

“Fuck you.”

“Fuck you too.”

Then we became dramatic stars. Ton cried. Jeanne cried. I cried. Sem cried. Karen joined. It was an issue of leaving. Not returning. 

Tears. Then there’s promise. Promise of going back. We called it a day.

I can't recall how many times I slapped and punched Sem that time. Lost count of how many pinky promises, how many speeches. I value the honesty we had displayed. I loved the way we were that night. 

Barely four months of friendship. And I say, I’m attached to this team. We’re the happiest. We may be together most of the time but we keep some things to ourselves. I think that’s part of respect we have for each one. We’re open to listening but we don’t insist on knowing. We know each other not perfectly well, but we certainly have familiarized each others personality.  

I belong with these kids. These kids belong to me. Sounds possessive but I guess they’re already part of the package. Me plus them. Package deal!

Light. Dirty bit.

Sunday, April 24, 2011

Moving on... dirty bit!

Love stories start with “once upon a time” like fairy tales do. But not all relationships end up happy ever after. Yes, there are those with happy endings. But there are also sad, even tragic endings. The thing is, all has its own end, whether we like it or not. 

There is no exact formula for long lasting relationship like there is no exact recipe for love. However, some things are essential for love to stay, grow and multiply. These are things that matter to individuals who are in a relationship. These are common issues during break-ups.

TRUST.  This is built over time. It can fall off in an instant. Openly communicate. You can only trust a person if you trust yourself. Do not find fault on the other person just to make the relationship challenging. Know each other's expectations. Set your limits. Promise to keep within the limits you two agreed.

RESPECT. Embrace your differences. Accept the other person for his/her flaws. If you dislike a certain trait, do not just tell the person to change, let the person understand why you want it changed. Help him/her to change. Be patient. Be extra sensitive to the needs of the other individual. Relationship is not a guessing game. You need to ask each other. You have to answer in all honesty. Do not sugarcoat.

TIME. Have time for each other but also have time for yourselves. How much time is enough depends on you. Never demand more than what your partner can give.  Do not make it an issue if you have more time than your partner. Instead, be thankful you have plenty of time for yourself and for other things. Schedule things. Make good of your available time together.  Make it a quality time.

COMPROMISE. Arguments are part of every relationship. Your point of view really matters. His or her opinion matters too. If they are parallel, you can’t just argue forever. Meet halfway. Settle it with what’s acceptable between the two of you. You both decide on things. Win-win!

We don’t live in the ideal world. We make mistakes. We have lapses. Reality is, no matter how we try to nurture and keep the relationship strong, certain things happen. Stronger forces occur. Death is inevitable. Relationships end. Break-up!

Life seems to stop when relationships end. Part of your soul is gone. Your world slowly becomes empty. You are shattered. You’re helpless. You blame things. You blame yourself. You cry. 

Before accepting the fact that you’re no longing together, you pass through that stage. And you can stay stuck if you cannot manage it. Name it depression. Call it insanity. At your choice, you can also get out of it. 

Cry all you can. The tendency is after break-up, you are too preoccupied with what has happened that you cannot think well. You’re  weak, too emotional. You need an outlet to burst out all the feelings. You have to empty your heart. It’s best when you have your closest friend with you that will just listen. This will not end the pain or whatever feeling you have. But this will open your mind (and yes, heart). 

Get busy. Go out with friends. Moments of loneliness can lead you to travel the memory lane. Not bad until you cry again because you’re now on the breakup part.  Avoid this by going out and meeting other people. Fill in the missing part of your world. It doesn’t mean you have to jump into a new relationship. Just try to be happy. Do what you cannot do when you were still in a relationship. Break free!

Cut all communication lines. When we’re not thoroughly over our feelings, we tend to find ways to reconnect. Oftentimes, this leads to another episode of heartache. Change SIM. Unfriend/Block him/her in Facebook. Unfollow your ex on twitter. It can’t be over if you still talk and stalk . You can be friends later when you can thank him/her for letting you go, when you can laugh at everything you’ve been through. If you meet by accident, just be casual. Say hi and go.

Avoid things that remind you of him/her. Our system has no auto-delete. If you can’t avoid things that reminds you of your ex, make new memories. It’s not easy but you can actually do it! 

Do not force yourself to love again. When you will be ready, only you can decide. 
Do not be afraid to love again. You should be wiser and stronger the next time around.

It’s necessary to move on… it aint easy… it’s dirty bit! =)

Saturday, April 23, 2011


I am not good at writing. I tried to write few articles for a school paper before but it was no good. I even joined National Schools Press Conference back in High School. I didn't take home the trophy. I really believe that writing is a gift and I thought I had that gift. But I find it hard to play with words. Maybe because I'm not much of a reader. I can't see the depth of my write-ups. Maybe because I need more inspiration. I can't compose lengthy articles. Maybe because the topic is not of interest to me that I ran out of thought.

I really planned of taking up Journalism or Mass Communication before. After some war with myself, I ended up taking a Business course. I junked the idea of me being a journalist or a writer. I had a different gift I guess. While I'm bombarded with numbers during college, I'm overwhelmed with artistry and designs. Shifting to architecture crossed my mind.

Fast forward. I finished Accountancy in 5 years. Had one year extension. I can't be an accountant. I know that's not my field. I have no time to study Architecture. I can't be a student all my life. After finishing college, I worked with a pharmaceutical company. Too far from my field. But somewhat I'm happy with what I'm doing. I learned that you can be happy once you learn to love and appreciate what you're doing.

Writing and Architecture are lost dreams. My frustrations. I've accepted it. I can still be an architect of my own home. That would be a fulfillment of a long lost dream. And writing? Well, it's a different thing. Not for me I guess, not my gift. Until blogging came to my mind.

I can still be a writer! I've been reading blogs and even bookmarked some. There's Maria Ressa on my top list. The others not that popular but really good writers. I envy them for the 'gift' they have. I am satisfied of being a reader. I enjoyed it. Oftentimes, when I disagree to the opinion of the writer, I just murmur to myself. I hardly comment on posts.I hate to argue.Until I met (virtually on twitter) Micheal ( who's a blogger and really good one! Reading his web logs, my dream of writing revived. I don't know why. I read six of his entries and I decided to put up one. Instant!

I had hard time creating one. I am a beginner. I don't know how to lay-out. I have little patience. Took me an hour to build a blog site! I want the design simple. I realized it's complicated. Took me another hour to write my first entry. Fresh, Dirty Start. It was sort of a disclaimer. Few more hours, I started my draft on the second entry, "Simply Complicated. Dirty Bit!" It was sharing about life's lesson. After posting it then I crafted my blogspot name.

Random (Dirty) Thoughts. Random because I don't have a theme for the blog. Anything goes. Dirty because I am not clean in thoughts and in words. I am not grammatically-correct at times. This is open for editing. And thoughts because everything else are thoughts put to words.

Yes! I consider myself a writer now. Good or bad, still a writer. It was a decade ago when I set aside this dream of writing. Now I'm slowly realizing it. I can write.I'm claiming that gift back!

You can set aside a dream and pursue it later. Things fade away. Opportunities pass. Dreams can stay. And as long as you want it, you can work to reaching it!

A stranger may inspire you. Listen to what others say. Even if you don't know them. Their opinion are most honest and have no biases.

Writing is a gift. It is a skill. It can also be learned. So you can also acquire the gift.

Simply Complicated! Dirty Bit.

Life is simple: It is complicated.

How can simple be so complicated? Come to think of it. What is simple to you? Define simple.

I wanna battle these complexities like you too. Too hard. I end up adding more complications. So here are few lessons in life I'm sharing to you. These will not make life easy. These are just random thoughts but might help.

To try to live simply will make things complicated. You can actually set your standards of simplicity and live with it. But first ask yourself, "Is it necessary?". If it is, ask further, "Is it the only option?; In the end, will I be happy?".

Thinking too much of the future is a crime. It kills your 'today'. Everyday must be well-lived. Plan your future but have a life!

Age matters. While you're young and able, experience everything that you can. You can't turn back time. When your old and weak, everything is limited.

You are not weak when you fail. You fail because you're too strong to try the things you haven't prepared much to face. Try again. Learn from your experience. You may have failed, but you are not a failure.

Believing too much of yourself will fail you. Acknowledge your weakness. Call for help if you must. There are things you can't do alone. When other people turn their backs when you asked help, try other people or try asking again.

Money is not everything.  Yes, there are things money can't buy. Money may buy time but can't turn it back. It can prolong life but it can't cheat death. It is necessary to have money to live but never live for money.

There's a "pin" in the middle of hapPINess. In order to fully achieve happiness, you have to pass through that "pin", get hurt, even wounded. That's part of the journey.  Life should not stop there. You're on the middle of the road -- the road to happiness! :)

Life is dirty bit! :)

Fresh Dirty Start

I'm not a writer. That's a disclaimer.
I'm just trying out this so called blogging. I enjoy reading and I've bookmarked like 10 blog pages. I really don't know what to write. And I still have to learn the technique in writing right. I can't extend my thoughts that much. I am not so playful with words. I know I better tweet.
Let this be a Fresh, Dirty Start.
Fresh. I'm new to this. That's basically it. My write-ups will be totally non-sense.
Dirty. Take it literally.

I welcome myself in the bloggers' world! Cheers!